So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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