Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
