He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
