I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
