Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
