I wanna bring you to show and tell
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
