Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
