you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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