He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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