Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
