just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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