btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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