and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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