My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
