was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
