his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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