sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
