I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
