and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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