Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
