That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
