omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
