so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
