We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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