Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize