My balls are so social today.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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