The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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