Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
