I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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