You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just google imaged poop.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
