Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
