ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
