Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
