shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
