I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
