I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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