i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Randomize
