But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
