You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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