worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
