gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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