I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize