So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
