she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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