she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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