I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
