I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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