Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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