you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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