I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So squirting runs in the family.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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