oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Randomize
