He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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