When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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