Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
