Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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