he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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