If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We left an ass print on the piano.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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