I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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