First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
