She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
