Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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