I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
