Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
