Yo dont text me then not text me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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