Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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