I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
