Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
