did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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