Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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