I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
