you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
