K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
