would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
