You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
