I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
