I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
