Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
