Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
