were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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