Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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