Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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