i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
