so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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