You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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