had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
