I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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