even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
